HAWAI'I: DAY 5

HAWAI'I: DAY 5

Sunday November 19, 2017

JARED AND JENSEN DAY! 

That is the only possible reason why I was awake at 6:30AM. The panel wasn’t until 10:00AM, I set my last alarm for 8:00AM, but this is what happens when a J2 Panel is imminent! I decided to at least rest until 8:30AM, scrolling through Facebook and iFunny before getting dressed and ready for a long day.

-   9:30AM Ballroom Opens
- 10:00AM Jared & Jensen Gold Panel
- 10:45AM Jensen Photo
- 11:45AM Jared & Jensen Photo
-    1:00PM Jared Photo
-    3:00PM J2 Panel
-    4:30PM Jared, Jensen & Misha Photo
-    5:00PM Jared & Misha Photo
-    5:30PM Jensen & Misha Photo
-    6:00PM Jared & Misha Panel
-    6:30PM Jensen & Misha Panel
-    7:30PM Jared & Jensen Autos
-    7:35PM "Castiel" Photo

When I bought this shirt three years ago, it was about two sizes too small.

I spent the start of the panel trying to figure out what settings to use for the best pictures and I found it! I’m so proud of my photos!

Just watch the video, it’s 30 minutes and they’re so awesome together!

Jared and Jensen Full Gold Panel 

Surfing Santas!!

not mine

Jared and his “y’all!” “Ya’ll-loha”

Jensen’ first time in Hawaii!!

They’re so supportive of each other.

Jared’s shirt has vents. He needs them. lol.

The boys love the ‘60s! 

Jensen wants to see the 2160s because it would be awesome. He wants a flying car.

Jared’s giving a history lesson…

Jensen gives one-word answers, straight to the point and Jared goes on random tangents. 

Return of the “bungholes”… That was an awesome panel!

Jared eats when he’s drunk. They were living together in season four. Jensen was temporarily staying in Jared’s basemen until he found somewhere to live, but one month tuned into a season. Tom Welling brought over 8oz of ribs to marinate and Jared ate them raw. This was during “Wishful Thinking” and Jared didn’t shoot his scenes until later because he was so deathly ill. 

Jensen is a happy drunk. Everything is funny and he’s having a good time. 

Immediately after the panel, the ballroom was open for everyone to sit and wait for their photo-op numbers to be announced. I have spent too much time standing in crowded, unmoving photo-op lines waiting for hours to get my picture taken. This system is awesome! Creation knows how to do it right. I really missed Supernatural conventions.

Jensen photo-ops were first and I was in the third group. I was able to familiarize myself with the process yesterday so I wasn’t as nervous. Still, it’s Jensen Ackles! Nah, it was surprisingly easy. The first time I met him I asked for a hug and he held me tight. I couldn’t do that with Misha or Jared, so I have a pretty good history with him. Not that he’d remember, but I felt good about it and that’s all that mattered. 

After watching others hug and pose with him, I got to the front of the line. As the person in front of me left, I walked up to him, said hi, and went right in for a hug. I don’t do poses because I’m not that creative and all I want is a hug and that has to be the pose. The only other I would even consider is the prom pose…maybe next time. I thanked him and made my way out of the photo-op room.

His eyes are so freakin’ green! …and hard to meet, lol.

I have been in love with Dean since day one. At first, it was kinda hard to differentiate between the two, really getting to know Dean and only knowing Jensen through brief interviews. Conventions allowed me to really get to know him, and after that thing with Misha, I grew up. I love both Dean and Jensen, but in completely different ways and I can finally separate the two. I’m in love with Dean - he's my tv boyfriend and love of my life. I love Jensen, but he’s like family. Not to say that Dean isn’t, but it’s different. It’s a fangirl thing…

Out of one line and back to the ballroom to wait for my J2 photo number. I was in the fourth group for that one, and Jared was getting back from his Meet & Greet, so that takes time. 

I’d seen this guy around and the last couple days and had to do a double take. He looks just like my boss, Steve, and it’s really unsettling! 

For over a year, I've been trying to come up with what to say to the boys when I get up to their autograph table. Agonizing over whether I should briefly explain what they and the show mean to me, but nothing I came up with was ever brief…but I could still try. 

I thought maybe wearing the shirt would make things easier because they already know what it means. I'd even thought about printing out my photo-op from Texas so they could see how far I'd come. Of course I forgot about that with my failing health and my last minute decision to actually come here. Although, I do have that picture on my phone...

There's a Facebook group for this convention that I've been following closely all weekend. I haven't been to a convention in a long time, but I know they don't allow personal stories, but to what degree? Could I show them a picture on my phone? Having something to show them sort of takes the focus off of me, personally. Or I could just say hi, watch them sign whatever and run. That's my go-to, but when am I ever going to see them again? I decided to put my question out there…and got immediate, helpful responses. I love this fandom!

It’s a bit more intimidating to walk up to them together, but these are my favorite guys in the whole world, so it’s really just like meeting close long-distance friends in person. I said hi, placed myself between them and hoped they held me close enough for the picture. I thanked them, my hand kind of lingered on Jared’s back, just because he was on my left, the way to the exit. I think he tried to hold my hand, but I was already gone. I felt so bad! It’s not that I’m scared to talk to them, it’s just the line was so long and everyone needs their time with them. I might be a little quick to leave, but I don’t want Creation thinking they have to force me out or anything.

Jared’s solo photo-op wasn’t for about a half hour. I picked up my Kim and Briana photos from yesterday and went back to my room. The ballroom is better than standing, but my bed is so comfortable and I had the time…

I got back to the ballroom as they were finishing up the auction. I just missed the first group for Jared photo-ops. When my group was announced, I saw my friend Mark in the hallway. His number wouldn't be announced for a while, but he was so excited he wanted to wait in line anyway, letting everyone else with lower numbers cut in front of him. I really wanted to see his photo-op with Jared. 

Mine was…I don’t even know. He’s so freakin’ tall! And he’s so, so sweet. It’s unnerving for me to look up at anyone, but Jared with his great big smile and kind eyes…UGH!

Literally all I said to him was “Hug, please,” before he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to him in this big tight hug. I think he bruised me! I thanked him, but I wasn’t quick enough this time. He grabbed my hand and squeezed my fingers as I left. 

I have NEVER had a crush on Jared Padalecki. EVER! I honesty don’t know what the hell happened! Since I found out conventions were a thing and have gotten to know the cast on a fairly intimate level, I’ve always really liked him. 

I was never too fond of Sammy, he was always so angry and he made all the wrong choices. I’ve always believed that to be in love with Dean, you have to be half in love with Sam. That was the only reason I liked him, at first. Sam had his moments, usually when it involved saving Dean’s life or believing in Cas when Dean couldn’t. It wasn't until very recently, season eleven, that I liked Sam for Sam and not just as Dean’s little brother. 

Jared on the other hand…he came out with his Alway Keep Fighting Campaign back in 2015. I was busy saving up for conventions and travel and didn’t have the money to spend on shirts, but I always supported his campaign and found strength in his message. Along with his openness about his own struggle with anxiety and depression. Going through my own life, I always remember that he has some of the same feelings, too. So not only was he hilarious and so much fun at conventions, but he became a real person to me. That's the kind of connection you’ll never find anywhere else, not like this.

About a year later, Jared came out with a new campaign over the summer.

I Am Enough

not mine

He posted a live video on Facebook earlier than I was awake. I found the link to the video on every Supernatural page there was and this was what I had the pleasure of waking up to:

“I am enough and you are enough. I know sometimes you feel like you can’t fight and you feel like you just can’t love yourself. And when that happens I want you to remember that you’re enough. You’re enough as you are and I’ll try to remember that I'm enough as I am. I am enough and so are you…I love you guys. Always keep fighting, love yourself first and know you’re enough.”

It was like he was talking to me. I was in tears! It still hits me…

I am not in love with Jared, but on that day it was a close thing. Closest I’ve come with any of them, including that thing with Misha.

Then Sam was being all cute in season eleven…

When I realized that Sam loves Cas, too. Not like Dean, but…he does.

Cas: “What's a Netflix?”

Sam: “Go to my room, turn on the tv…you’ll figure it out.”

His face and the delivery… Stop being so adorable, I swear!

Sam: “I think it’s like lavender toilet water.”

Dean: “Bottled toilet water? Why do you keep spraying it?”

Sam: “I just wanted to see if the squeezy thing worked.”

I am not in love with Sam, although there was fear of an impending crush that thankfully died down. I’m just glad that I like the guy now, lol.

All this happened after my last convention so I was definitely seeing the guys differently. Jared’s like family. He is family. And on more of an emotional level than Jensen and Misha. Maybe just seeing him after all that was a little much. I’m honestly not all that embarrassed about what happened, because he gets it. I’m sure I’ll be cringy at the memory for years, but I know he gets it.

I skipped Ruth’s panel in favor of uploading pics from J2 Gold, marking my faves and creating an album. Also, just spending time away from the crowd was therapeutic. I can only take so much…

So, I headed over to the Business Center to find out how to print my Texas J2 photo-op. Even if I didn’t end up using it, at least I’d have the option. The place was empty when I walked in. Computers lines the windowed walls and there were two huge printers in the middle of the room. Someone came up to the counter and I asked if I could print a picture from my phone with WiFi. They didn’t have WiFi, but I could email the photo to myself then use my room key to login to a computer to print from there. 

Such a process! For truly awful quality. I forgot to set the printer quality to “best" so I ended up with the worst photo quality ever. I couldn't even log in again because the thing costs money, every second I’m using a computer! At least I remembered to make the photo the right size. I really wish I'd thought this through a little more before I came here… But if it’s the only way, I’ll take it.

Jared and Jensen Full Main Panel

Jared came out with all the leis from photo-ops! They're having such a good time!!

Low hanging fruit. Jared has “high-hanging fruit.” Oh! We’re going there…

The question list was wrong! So they’re just goofing around up there…

Such enthusiasm. They’re amazing!

I love it when they're just up there being themselves! I love them so much!

They thought the original script was really good and might actually get picked up for a whole 13 episodes. 

Kripke wouldn't accept product placement, staying true to the boys and their story. 

Nightmare Before Christmas porn? 

Jared “is rumored” to prank the cast with giant cocks on computer screens, for the shock factor. He tried to explain his way through it, but Jensen stopped him. Always looking out for each other!

Jensen, keepin’ it simple, lol. 

Everybody loves Wayward Sisters. The would definitely be willing to crossover and Jensen would direct an episode if given the opportunity.

If Supernatural did a live episode Misha would mess up first. Jared would be doing everything he could to break everyone, so a live episode would not be possible. Nothing would get done, lol.

Jared's definition of anxiety is getting up on stage and grabbing a guitar or a microphone. We make it possible for him to feel comfortable enough to do that. 

Jensen likes the collaboration with the cast, crew and the whole family.

Superwiki in the house! They actually know the site’s creator by name and use her site on a daily basis for Supernatural fact-checking on set.

Tombstone! So glad I watched it!

Jensen tried to go in the tunnel three times and it just wasn't happening. He’d get a foot in and think something touched him. He's like “Nope!” They kept telling him had to go in the hole at some point, which was only 4-5ft deep and he went in pretty quick.

Original Baby is still on the set, in pieces from the crash with the semi in season one.

Jared has the original horn decal.

Jared can tie cherry stems into a knot in his mouth.

Jared tries the entire panel for a rimshot and Jensen gets it on the last question. I love their banter, and the drummer’s refusal to placate him.

After the panel, I needed a bathroom break. I’d found one in the hallway earlier while waiting for photo-ops, but the line was out the door. Instead, I hopped on the elevator for a quick run back to my room, where my door was wide open. Housekeeping was cleaning my room, so I tried to stay out of there way, pee, and get back down to my photo-op wit Mark and Ruth. 

Turned out, even that short ten minutes was too long. I was late for the duo and Ruth was on her solos, but Mark was still in the photo-op room. The volunteer at the door had someone ask if he would mind posing for a duo and of course he had some attitude, but he was surprisingly nice about it. He even let me take the picture again because he made me laugh. I didn't wanna be rude…he was taking the time for me, lol. 

Back to the ballroom to wait on ticket numbers for photos with Jared, Jensen and Misha. I bought these tickets the day they went on sale, so my numbers were pretty low. The lines actually went pretty quick, not many people must’ve bought these group photos. Just the ones who didn’t get the chance for solos, most likely.

I was in the first group for Jared, Jensen and Misha. I’ve wanted this since they announced it years ago at another convention, DC or NJ, anyway, I’ve always wanted a picture with the three of them. I wasn't sure how they would be standing, so I searched for other photo-ops and found one where they were in position. I was told at the door to keep my phone away until I got to the front, but they were already where I wanted them, so I didn't even need the photo. Although I wish Jensen's hand wasn’t in his pocket! Jared and Misha have a good grip on me, Jensen should've too. 

Jared and Misha were next. These extra photos were just an excuse to see them all again for a little bit longer, but it was so hard to decide who to hug when you can only hug one! I went with Jared because, as much as I love Misha, I was there for my boys…

Jensen and Misha. I have an amazing photo with them from Vancouver, first time ever with the two of them! This is not that… I didn’t hug either of them, but Misha's got me. I just wish Jensen’s hand wasn't in his pocket again… Oh well, can't tell now!

Extra panels, too. Creation promised a Jensen and Misha Panel at the very beginning, then added a Jared and Misha Panel at the last mute, I love these guys for sticking around and hanging out with us a little longer. I never wanted this night to end!

Jared and Misha Full Panel

not mine

Jensen is always telling Jared to hold back on stage, but Misha just eggs him on. I love it! 

Putting these two together is such a bad idea…

Misha tweaked Mark's nipple in a photo-op and Mark got really mad. Misha doesn’t know why.

Question for Misha, so Jared hits the keyboard. 

Misha: “Who left that on!?”

When I first heard Jared play the keyboard at another convention - via YouTube video - it was the first time I ever thought he was hot…

Fan: “It was interesting to see Dean and Cas go off and do their thing…”

Jared so ships Destiel! This is now they’re song!

“I love Dean and Cas!” He’s such a fanboy. 

When they put on those hats, they knew it would be on the internet forever.

not mine

one of many

Since when does influence mean ejaculate? Really!?

This girl wrote a Supernatural song and played the chorus on ukulele. My fandom definitely is a talented bunch!

I loved watching them crash each other's panels at JIB! 

Jensen: “I have come to relieve you.” 

Jared: “Here in front of everybody?”

not mine

The three of them on stage together is fantastic!

Jared is not leaving…

He’s not even playing anything anymore, it's just noise!

Misha: “This is what it's like on set.”

Jared found another keyboard!

JENSEN UNPLUGGED IT!! OMG!! 

Dean and Cas influencing each other.

Jared’s on the drums, providing rimshot to his own joke!

Jared put his finger through the zipper in his jeans and they lost Misha for half an hour!

That time Misha decided to direct an episode! Jared was relentless and Jensen was no help. I loved hearing about it at JIB - via YouTube - and I love it even more in person. It’s my favorite thing that they talk about!

Misha brought up fanfic! And Jensen’s on board!

I’ve even heard Misha talk about his New Year’s tradition that he made right before being cast on Supernatural. He would write down one important thing he wanted out of the new year and it just so happened he wanted to be cast on a tv show where he would make lifelong friends. I love hearing it first hand. I love Misha!

When Jensen and Misha were getting to know each other, they went out for dinner one night. Misha immediately gave the menus back to the waitress and said they’d take the three least ordered items on the menu. This new age restaurant had brains and fried glands… Jensen hated him and liked him a little more, too. Awesome, awesome new story!

The Empty accent continues! Misha! 

OMG Jensen can do the horrible accent better than Misha! WHAT!?

They had Misha switch characters so many times, he didn’t even know who he was playing half the time, even with the accent. Jensen liked it, though!

Jensen: “Have you seen how talented our fans are?”

Jared’s back! And Jensen knows! Without even looking, just by the applause, he knows!

I love it!

After the panels, everything was late because Jared was on the keyboards for twenty minutes!

Most of the crowd stayed in the ballroom waiting for Jared and Jensen autographs to be set up while the rest of the B Team photo-ops were going on down the hall. J2 autographs and the Castiel photo-op were scheduled at the same time, so I asked one of the volunteers what I should do. She told me to get my photo-op first because the autographs would be going on for hours.

So I waited until they announced Castiel photo-ops. It wasn’t sold out and I was in the second group. The volunteers directing the lines said Misha stayed in character for these, so I was a little nervous. I’m just as awkward as Cas, and count on Misha to be more outgoing for photo-ops. 

Some of the poses were really awesome! One girl put her arms inside the coat to hug him. That was pretty sensual…I’d love to do it, but my goal was just getting through the photo without embarrassing myself! Anything I say is guaranteed to do just that, so I walked up to him and just went for the hug. 

It might just be favorite picture of the weekend.

Cas and I had a rocky start. The supposed uber-demon released Dean from Hell and nobody knew how or why or who. When they got the name “Castiel” I thought it sounded interesting, very celestial.  Didn't know how right I would be…

That entrance was phenomenal! And the guy was super hot. I remember thinking that’s the last thing we need more of on this show. lol. Then that voice, the way he spoke to Dean. The way he looked at Dean, even then. God, his eyes were so blue. I was instantly attracted to him. And then come to find out he’s an Angel, a being Dean never believe in because he’d never seen one, rescued him from Hell. I cried. 

Dean didn’t believe him at first, but why would this thing lie? And then the wings. The wings. Beautiful. I’ve been attracted to Cas since day one, it’s his character that I’ve had some issues with. Back and forth between Heaven and Earth, between Heaven’s will and Dean’s morals. He chose Dean, and was punished for it. I didn’t care what happened to him when he captured Anna and let Sam out of the panic room to kill Lilith and start the Apocalypse. I just wanted him to get Dean to Sam and he could die for all I cared. At the last minute, he came through. Because he believed in Dean. And I was sad to see him go…

I saw myself in Cas. When Cas began having doubts about Heaven, what was right and wrong and contemplating free will, I was fresh out of high school with no one really telling me what to do anymore. I still lived at home and my parents said I could either go to school, which they would pay for, or get a full-time job. Finally able to make my own choices about my life, but having absolutely zero clue as to what I wanted to do, I chose school. 

I was a much different person back then. Terrified of anything new, going to college was a nightmare. I had the freedom to choose my major and which classes to take at what time on what day. Way too many options for someone who’s been on a set schedule of school from 7:00AM-2:00PM for four years! I never wanted all these choices. Yeah, I hated high school, but at least it was structured. Real life is a mess, and I had no idea which way was up anymore. 

I could relate to Cas on a personal level, so when he let Sam out of the panic room, it really hurt me. I was pulling for him. I loved his relationship with Dean, even before I saw them as something more. Although there was that one time…early on.

Anyway, over the years, Cas has become everything to me. He might just be my favorite character, if I didn’t love Dean so much. He tends to take focus, but if there’s something going on with Cas, I’m there! He’s confused about humanity, tries and fails to fit in, doesn’t understand references even with Metetron’s eons of pop culture shoved into his head…and it’s so freaking endearing I can’t help but love him all the more for it.

And Misha is a damn gift from God! It’s a shame I haven’t thought about him in a while, but Cas has just been more prevalent in my life. Although, when I got Instagram to follow Jared Leto and found out Misha had one too, I was always happier to see his post than Jared’s.

I thought I would have more time between the panels and autographs, so I left all my photo-ops up in my room. After the Castiel photo, I checked on the autograph lines in the ballroom while grabbing my Mark & Ruth photo to bring back upstairs. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted the boys to sign, the solos, group or cover page. Then I figured I’d go with the duo for a comparison with Texas in case they didn’t actually look at me. That made sense. So I brought down my convention binder with both photo-ops inside for protection and made my way back to the ballroom.

Chairs had been moved to accommodate the winding lines to the autograph tables on either side. I chose Jared’s line first, because Jensen has Dean’s face and I thought Jared would be easier. His line took forever! I think he was with someone he knew, or just the fact that they had a kid was enough to halt the line for a good 10-15 minutes. They’re all so great with kids. 

As the line started moving, I still tried to think of what to say. As long as I have a general idea where I want the conversation to go, I can wing it. It’s terrifying to take that leap in any situation, but these guys…at least they’re like family. I feel comfortable enough around them during photo-ops, this is just a little extended.

I gave my photo-op to the girl at the table while Jared was still talking to the person in front of me. I said hi and as he was signing my photo-op, I took out the one from five years ago, explaining it to him. 

Jared asked if that was really me and if I was trying to vanish. He congratulated me and showed everyone at the table, then he said “You go girl,” and told me I was a badass. He entwined our fingers as I tried to tell him that the support of the show really helped. He said it was just a shirt and that I did all work. I don’t know how many times I said “support” trying to get my point across, but he just smiled and held my hand like the amazingly understanding person that he is. When I thanked him and started to leave, he watched me go and my smile was so huge my contacts were blurring from scrunching my eyes so much. I actually felt like I might cry, and I had no idea which of all the emotions would cause that reaction right then, there were too many!

I pulled it together, blinked my contacts back into place and wished to God I’d put my glasses on instead, photo-ops were over! 

Jensen’s line was much shorter and was moving pretty well, unfortunately. I had no time to calm down after talking to Jared. And Jensen is so beautiful. I handed my photo-op to the girl at the table and explained the one from five years ago. Jensen was shocked! He congratulated me and showed the photo to everyone at the table and next to me in line. He was super impressed, and said I looked really good. I think I was too thrown off by that compliment to repay him when he said he wasn’t too sure about himself. I wanted to say, “You’re still hot,” but that didn’t seem right. So I smiled back as he smiled at me, gave me a high-five - which I botched thanks to Jared’s entwined fingers - and winked at me as I left. 

I survived! I didn’t even talk to them for autographs in Texas…or ever! It went pretty well for my first time having an actual conversation with them. I’m so proud of myself!

It was almost 9:00PM and they were still printing the last of the photo-ops. I waited around for about twenty minutes until my Cas photo was brought out. My feet were killing me, but the open hallway let in the warm night breeze, reminding me even from inside that I was still in paradise. The wait wasn’t so bad.

Bringing my Cas photo back up to my room, I realized my vacation was officially over. It was still early, so I uploaded all my pictures from the night while packing what I could before tomorrow. I marked all my favorite pics and put them into albums to share on Facebook. This took almost two hours, with some Gilmore Girls on for background noise.

By the time I was done, it was almost 11:00PM and I had had a very busy day! I would’ve like to have gone to bed the second I got in, but if I didn’t organize my pictures now, I’d never get around to it!

One last night in paradise…